Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
