Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
