Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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