I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
