Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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