why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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