I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
