I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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