im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
