Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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