That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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