she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
