it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
