"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
