Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Someone stole a lamp last night.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
