I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Randomize