Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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