I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
