How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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