Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
