I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
