in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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