i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
