Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
you're hired as official boob wrangler
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
