great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
