You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The beer is more important than you right now.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
NoShamevember. You game?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
