i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just pynch a tree in the face
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
