dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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