I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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