You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I am in a vortex of obligation.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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