i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
