Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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