dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
