nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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