So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
