The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
