I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
