honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
