One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
