In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
