I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
