Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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