You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
