You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
