I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Randomize
