i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
