ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
look no pants
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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