Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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