need another drink. this is the easiest way
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
