The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
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I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
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I hugged the bouncer as we left.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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