please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
