i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize