seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
