im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
