Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
