I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
