I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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