I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
