she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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