How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
