I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
