I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
