its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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