i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
