You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
