dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
