Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize