i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
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He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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